Updated: Apr 6, 2022
The last month or so has been quite the journey for me. Not physically per se, but definitely emotionally and spiritually. After receiving the great report that my tumor was shrinking, I felt that I needed a break from all of the treatments and time to prepare myself for the long haul of new treatments that would be coming. I wanted to spend time preparing a sacred, meditative garden to be able to sit and reflect in contemplative prayer and just be still with God.
While physically that had proved a time of respite, what I wasn't prepared for was the toll all this would take on me emotionally and spiritually. I sank into a period of desolation, even as I created the space I was hoping for. The reality of the "what ifs" of treatments not working and my own mortality began to weigh heavily on my soul. I felt that prayer was a chore and that God wasn't listening. Being still, which is my favorite thing to do to be in one-on-one conversation with God, was entirely disrupted and absent. My prayer times felt broken and that further sank my soul.
I've been asking, what am I missing as I stand shaken and unhinged, going through the motions of my days. Where is the life that I have been espousing and the joy that I know to have through all my trials and tribulations?
Though it has taken me this last month and a half (and I apologize to those of you who have written me that you love and miss my posts and journaling prompts), this past weekend of solitude in the garden renewed the flame that had seemed to have gone out.
What was the difference? I was finally able to remember that I am loved beyond compare by the God who has promised to never leave me no matter what I do or say or how I pray or don't pray. He continues to call me back to life and change my perspectives time and time again. I reflected on how God wants me to be ready to be surprised by Him at any and all moments. My story is actually a story within a story. It is the story of my journey and every moment of this journey is unique to me. Yes, I am in a new season of life and navigating it can be scary and frightening and yet it can be so very blessed. Focusing on the journey reminds us of where we have come from and allows us to look forward with hope and joy in all our trials and tribulations to what lies ahead for us on the path we are taking.
Allowing the potter to mold you as you journey gives you perspective on where you are, where you've been and how you are constantly held in loving arms.
Since I've been silent for so long, I am giving you five (5) journaling prompts that will help give you perspective along your own journey.
"You want all of me,
Though I lament broken prayers,
Trust brings me answers.”
"Aware of my need,
Readiness to be surprised,
Refresh my soul, Lord."
"Shaken and unhinged,
Standing on the precipice,
Call me back to life."
Story within a story,
Journey reminds us."