Many have been asking me lately if I am scared or afraid. I would be a liar if I said I don't have my moments of thinking the what ifs of things going downhill instead of the desired cure and remission route.
This is especially true when I think of my brother in the cancer ICU. There was a tube coming out from every possible part of his body and the sound of the ventilator was haunting. If something chimed or rang, I jumped not knowing what that meant. He was in a medically induced coma, without knowledge of what was going on, but for me, alas, it was a very painful experience.
The last time I saw him, however, offered something more. It offered a glimpse into those things that are not of this earth. It offered a glimpse into life eternal. Once or twice a day the nurses took him off the anesthesia for what they term, "sedation vacation." On this particular day, he came to just long enough to look at me, though unable to speak,. It was at that moment that I had a picture of Jesus standing next to him vividly pop into my head, and I felt my brother knew this as clear as day. As he looked at me, I said, "I know, I can see him too," and he gently squeezed my hand and closed his eyes once again. The nurses said this was the calmest they had every seen him on sedation vacation.
It was a couple of days later he was gone. That scene vividly plays over and over again in my mind, especially when my moments of fear seem to be overtaking me. I remember that Jesus stands with me always. He has promised to never leave my side. I recognize there is something more.
Fear is the enemy that robs us of hope and joy. The things of this earth are nothing in comparison to what awaits. So, yes, I can be afraid, sometimes more than others, but I am constantly redirecting myself to the God who says, "Fear not for I am with you." For reflecting:
"Dream of something more,
Than this small world can offer,
Heaven holds the space."