Another temporary setback in my treatment process was Friday before this last when, at my regular radiation treatment, I felt dizzy and almost passed out. My blood pressure had plummeted for an unknown reason. I was stabilized, bloodwork taken and an appointment set with the doctor for the following week.
At that appointment, he did an ultrasound of my heart (I have a hole in one of the valves since birth) and that and the bloodwork didn't show any reason for the sudden drop in pressure. Good news I am taking it as. He ordered a report from the radiologist and another scan to look at the tumor and sent me on my way.
As I was getting ready to leave, he stopped me and said, "I'm not saying stress was the underlying factor here, but do you think perhaps you should reconsider your calling?"
That got me thinking, a lot over the last week, and it so happens that on Good Friday, during a live streaming time with John Ortberg and his wife Nancy, John said that the time we are in, at this current moment, IS OUR CURRENT CALL. While on the one hand, that gave me all sorts of "Really God?" thoughts, it also helped to reassure me of God's never-ending, unconditional love for me. God has and will continue to intervene in all situations of my life. I don't just change what I am doing because of a little thing like cancer...exaggerating that...it is a big deal...but even more reason to trust in the One who loves me so much as to walk this path and lead me to walk it with others.
All this to remind me further, as I contemplated everything now going through my head, of the book of Esther and when her uncle, Mordecai says to her, "how do you know you weren't called for such a time as this? (my paraphrase).
We were called for a time such as this in every instance of our lives. That means the good times and the bad times. Through times of difficulty and grief and joys and triumphs. The key to understanding our individual calling is to lean into the fact that the things we are experiencing are part of our journeys and walks of faith.
I stepped out in faith last June while on study leave to write a devotional book of journaling prompts for people in all phases and seasons of their own walks of life. It was my calling at the moment. That calling prepared me to handle the two giant changes my life would suddenly endure just three months later. God was in the prompting and constructs of all that I did during those three months, knowing I was going to need something of Him to focus on when my life would seemingly fall apart.
That was my call then. This is my call now. You are living your call right here and now. It's up to you to determine what your call is at this moment and to follow that call, trusting in God to lead you, to walk alongside you, to hold you up when the brokenness you feel tells you that you can't do so any longer.
Today's haiku for meditation, prayer, and reflective journaling.
"My heart whole again,
Depends on who I follow,
Accepting my call."