The brokenness I spoke of in my last post, was the result of many things. It was several months of perfect storm things that built up until I was about ready to explode. It began with the collapse of my marriage 23 days prior to the diagnosis of cancer, which in turn began the tailspin. College difficulties, increased side effects from treatments, and attempted break-in and slashing of my tires and the time was ripe for a dive into depression.
All reasons to completely give up and yet, I continue to see God's guiding hand throughout each of the days of my life. Yes, I could worry myself to death about things over which I have no control...but why?
I've asked myself that more than once over the years and I always go back to my childhood to remind me of what is important. It started when I used to go to my grandmother whenever I was upset or worried about something. She always had a way of comforting me and assuring me that everything was going to be okay. I just needed to trust that "God was in the mix." Her words, not mine!
Seeing that I was quite the worry-wart, she one day pulled me aside and said, "Bonnie, you just need to savor the journey." I actually can feel my face kind of cringe the way it must have on that particular day. Not the inspiring words I was hoping to hear. "What I mean by that," she continued, "is that life will always toss you curve balls, it will fill you with many uncertainties, and those will lead you to worries and fear and doubts and more. But if we live our lives in a merry-go-round of worry and fear, then we are robbed of all of the joys that are available for us on our journeys. You need to look for all the good in your life. Remember you are not alone and reach out when times become overwhelming. Things always have a way of working themselves out for the better, even if you don't see it at the moment"
Wise words from a wise woman but none more so than these, "Savor the Journey - Trust that God is in the mix." Those are the words I go to over and over and over again!
Yesterday, after my first round of radiation treatments was complete and my measurement scan taken, I was living those words, having pulled myself up from the doldrums of brokenness. Yesterday, I received the news that my tumor had shrunk 30% and we would keep on the same course of treatments! Yes, God is in the mix so savor the journey today and every day!
"Savor the journey,
God in the mix faithfully,
Fill yourself with joy."